Sex Does Not Equal Love!

We live in a time where society no longer pressures young people to wait until marriage for sex. Sex is no longer taboo. In fact, the media would have you believe that sex is the most “in” thing to do. Sex has even become a major marketing tool for a lot of companies to sell their products! The irony of the entire sex campaign is that if the education on sex practices and all of the issues that go along with having sex are not handled properly, it can be extremely destructive, even deadly!! I personally encourage young adults to practice abstinence, whether it be waiting for marriage for religious beliefs or until they have done all of the necessary homework to have a safe, meaningful, relationship with someone whom they have entered into a long term, monogamous relationship with. The sad reality is that most teens and young adults try sex long before marriage or even a serious relationship. There are a lot of consequences when you decide to have sex at an early age and/or if you decide to at any age without making intelligent choices.

I have asked many young ladies why they have chosen to have sex so young. The most heart breaking responses have been “he told me if I love him, I would do it” and “because he was going to break up with me if I didn’t”! Usually when the reasons are that relaxed, the repercussions are astounding! These young ladies, unfortunately, are struggling with self esteem issues. Ladies, I want you to understand that one of the purposes for building a healthy self-esteem is to counteract such ignorance. Your body should never be used as a bargaining tool for any reason! If a young man decides that not having sex with him is reason to break up with you, then you can believe he is going to break up with you anyway! Therefore, you might as well let him break up with you and keep your dignity intact. I recently talked to a young lady who has been in some form of relationship with, but had not had sex (according to her), with 12 boys/young men since the age of 12. She is now 19. To give her something to think about, I asked her what if she had decided to have sex with each guy as leverage so they wouldn’t break up with her. She was so disgusted at the thought of potentially having 12 sex partners at her age and still no serious relationship in sight. Here is why she was so disgusted: two of the guys she dated admitted to having over 20 sex partners at the ripe old age of 19, 1 of the guys she dated had been in multiple homosexual relationships, 3 of the guys she dated admitted to having some form of sexually transmitted disease, and those are just the guys who shared their information with her! I commended her on her decision to remain a virgin and encouraged her that while friendly “dating” can be harmless, she needed to be careful and aware of how far she wants the dating to go, since that choice is strictly up to her. So far, she is doing just fine and have decided to remain a virgin! I am very proud of her!

There was a time when getting pregnant was probably the biggest concern of having sex. While getting pregnant is still high on the list, there are even bigger issues when choosing to have sex. AIDS, for instance, kills!! Many of you are probably thinking that since you use protection, you are probably safe. Unfortunately, that is also a myth. The ONLY sure fire way to not get pregnant or get any sexually transmitted diseases is to not have sex. The problem is that a lot of young people feel invincible and say immature things like “it only happened one time.” It only takes one time to get pregnant! It only takes one time to get a sexually transmitted disease!

Young men, I know you’ve heard all sorts of negative comments, such as men are dogs, men can’t be trusted, etc. I challenge you to be the kind of young man to prove those statements wrong. I know those are stereotypes that our society continues to encourage, but it is time for you to work towards cleaning up the image so you can change that stereotype. Having sex doesn’t make you cool, it doesn’t guarantee love, it isn’t even always the thrill that you have been foolishly forced into believing! Be strong enough to make wiser choices about having sex. Having sex is not merely some form of entertainment. It is something to be shared between two mature individuals who have maintained a commitment to each other and should not be taken lightly. You put your life and other people’s live in jeopardy when you casually have sex for entertainment.

Young men and women, the truth is, if you care about yourself, your body and the lives of others, do not enter into relationships that put your life in danger, that compromises your beliefs, or that demeans your character! Learn how to say “no, I’m not ready”! That is the most adult response you could give. You have no control over other people’s actions, but you are in full command of your own choices. Respect yourself enough to force others to respect you, as well, simply by your actions. It will be very difficult for someone to approach you with nonsense when you are armed with a healthy self-esteem and the ability to have a strong mind. The truth is if he/she really loves you, then he/she will wait until you are ready, rather than forcing you into making decisions that you are not ready for. Sex does not equal love!