When I ask people the “Who Are You” question, I always get a weird look and it is almost always followed by them reciting their name, “I am Dolly Johnson”! Well, Dolly Johnson is just that, my name. It is not who I am. Who I am is a child of God, who believes that my purpose in life is to show people how to love themselves and others, unconditionally as God loves us all. I am a true friend, a kind person, a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. I love wearing all of those hats because in them all I am the same kind, loving person that God has put me here to be. I am also a teacher of all things positive. I believe that there is good in everything and everyone. I don’t believe that in a naïve way, but I believe that if you focus on a positive outcome, the negative will be less powerful and will make the road to a positive point of view more visible. I am constantly trying to improve on my personality and how I am towards others. I am constantly working on my downfalls. I can be too bossy, and,believe it or not, I can talk too much :), and I don’t always practice what I preach when it comes to following through with my plans. But, I am patient and I strongly believe that anything worth having is worth waiting for. I see so many people rushing their life away and jumping into things haphazardly and without judging, I just think they may enjoy life more if they took a deep breath and enjoyed and/or appreciated life’s tokens. I love children. I think a child’s mind is the most brilliant thing God has created. They start out with such a zest for life and an eagerness to learn and it completely amazes me! I watch my children grow and I am just blown away with how attention detail minded they are. Children are so inquisitive that they are limitless on what they can learn and I appreciate that about them. Next to God, my family is my lifeline! I thank God all the time for the group of family (my friends are my family too!) he has granted me. They have all, in their own personal way, completely affected me and have carved out a piece of my heart as their own. I am a humble spirit and thankful for all that I have seen, endured and accomplished in my life, to include the rough roads. I believe that unconditional love is the only love that is forever. That belief has helped me maintain relationships and love people for who they are, not who I wish they would be. My biggest downfall is that I can care too much and I carry the burden of others even when they don’t care. That makes my heart heavy more often than I would like! Overall, I am just grateful that for all that has come my way and hope that my children have always been able to say and will grow old to tell others, “My mother loved me very much!”
This is who I am! Who are you?
Monday, November 16, 2009
On the Road to "Sticking to It"
We all have the desire to accomplish goals that we have imagined or set for ourselves. Some of us have already started the journey to achieve those goals. We can see ourselves doing whatever it takes to get to the finish line, but sometimes the steps on how to accomplish those goals can be murky and, in turn, cause us to lose the desire to move forward. I have, in my mind, put together an entire scenario about the things I want to accomplish, but often, when I sit down to organize the details of how to get there, I have become overwhelmed and intimidated by what to do next, the length of time it would take to reach those goals and how much help I may need to get there. Unfortunately, this is what stops of a lot of us from moving forward to our goals in life.
We all have different talents and tolerance levels when it comes to staying focused on knowing how to go for our dreams. It isn’t always easy for many reasons, but you have the ability to do whatever you seek. It takes determination and drive and those are the two points we need to learn to improve if we are to see our dreams all the way through. Sometimes it does take trial and error, but we must stick to it. Even if our goals change, the tools we need to use to reach them don’t. But whatever the struggles may be, don’t give up! Even if it seems like a hopeless journey, even if everyone around you shows negative energy towards what you are trying to accomplish, even when you seem tired and that your hard work is flat lining…. Stick to it!!
1. Purchase a mini recorder: When I am driving or in the grocery store, I can come up with the best ideas, but by the time I get home, not only do I not remember the brilliant idea I had, I don’t even remember the thought process of my brilliant ideas!! We’ll chalk that up to old age! So, one of my Twitter friends suggested that I purchase a mini recorder and keep it on my person at all times. So, no matter what small or major thoughts I come up with, I just press a button and instantly memorialize those thoughts! Once I get to a computer or pad of paper, I can type it out or jot it down, so I can begin to organize my thoughts.
2. Organize your thoughts in an outline: Only you know what steps and levels you would like to take to accomplish your goals. It is usually easier to focus when your thoughts are lined up in a neat and orderly fashion. Depending on what it is you are trying to achieve, if it is outlined on paper (or computer screen), it is easier to understand and follow. Outlining gives you a check list of what needs to be done and in what order to reach your goals. Outlining gives you a visual of where you are and what else you need to do.
3. Follow Through – You may get discouraged when you hit a snag in your plans, such as you might not be able to make the right connections as quickly as you would like, cannot afford schooling or whatever other obstacle requires finances, the time frame in which to complete the task is becoming a hindrance. All of these impeding factors could easily contribute to you giving up on your goals, but I cannot say it any easier than, DO NOT LET IT!
4. Planning and Re-thinking – As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat”. Sometimes it takes planning and re-thinking to make things turn out to your benefit. Times change, things change. What may have been helpful last month may not be the tool that helps you through the next month. So, while over thinking can be hurtful, planning and re-thinking may rejuvenate the process to completing your goal. If you keep doing the same thing and see no signs of improvement or progress, you may want to re-think your process. For instance, if you cannot seem to save enough from your paycheck to pay for a course you may need to finish a degree or certificate you may be seeking, don’t let the fact that you can’t save enough stop you from taking that course. Find another way; re-think other ideas on how to finance your education, perhaps, plan to get a second job, look into financial aid, etc. The point is do not let an obstacle keep you from moving forward, but instead, find a way to get over that obstacle by re-planning and re-thinking the steps to achieving your goals.
5. Network – These days it is so easy to keep in touch with like-minded people, people who can help guide you in the right directions, people who can help open doors for you, people who will just be in your corner rooting you on to success. It is so important to remember that we need other people in our lives whether we want them there or not. Just remember that not everyone has your best interest at heart so be careful in choosing those that you share certain levels of information with, without shutting out the people that would be conducive to your achievement. There are so many ways to network these days. The computer age has given us so many avenues in which to communicate with like-minded people. If you are not as computer savvy as you wish to be, but have the desire to learn, email me and I will give you the name of someone who could help you in that department. Just remember that there is someone out there willing and waiting patiently to assist you in achieving your goals, but you must remember, first and foremost to STICK TO IT!
We all have different talents and tolerance levels when it comes to staying focused on knowing how to go for our dreams. It isn’t always easy for many reasons, but you have the ability to do whatever you seek. It takes determination and drive and those are the two points we need to learn to improve if we are to see our dreams all the way through. Sometimes it does take trial and error, but we must stick to it. Even if our goals change, the tools we need to use to reach them don’t. But whatever the struggles may be, don’t give up! Even if it seems like a hopeless journey, even if everyone around you shows negative energy towards what you are trying to accomplish, even when you seem tired and that your hard work is flat lining…. Stick to it!!
1. Purchase a mini recorder: When I am driving or in the grocery store, I can come up with the best ideas, but by the time I get home, not only do I not remember the brilliant idea I had, I don’t even remember the thought process of my brilliant ideas!! We’ll chalk that up to old age! So, one of my Twitter friends suggested that I purchase a mini recorder and keep it on my person at all times. So, no matter what small or major thoughts I come up with, I just press a button and instantly memorialize those thoughts! Once I get to a computer or pad of paper, I can type it out or jot it down, so I can begin to organize my thoughts.
2. Organize your thoughts in an outline: Only you know what steps and levels you would like to take to accomplish your goals. It is usually easier to focus when your thoughts are lined up in a neat and orderly fashion. Depending on what it is you are trying to achieve, if it is outlined on paper (or computer screen), it is easier to understand and follow. Outlining gives you a check list of what needs to be done and in what order to reach your goals. Outlining gives you a visual of where you are and what else you need to do.
3. Follow Through – You may get discouraged when you hit a snag in your plans, such as you might not be able to make the right connections as quickly as you would like, cannot afford schooling or whatever other obstacle requires finances, the time frame in which to complete the task is becoming a hindrance. All of these impeding factors could easily contribute to you giving up on your goals, but I cannot say it any easier than, DO NOT LET IT!
4. Planning and Re-thinking – As the old saying goes, “there is more than one way to skin a cat”. Sometimes it takes planning and re-thinking to make things turn out to your benefit. Times change, things change. What may have been helpful last month may not be the tool that helps you through the next month. So, while over thinking can be hurtful, planning and re-thinking may rejuvenate the process to completing your goal. If you keep doing the same thing and see no signs of improvement or progress, you may want to re-think your process. For instance, if you cannot seem to save enough from your paycheck to pay for a course you may need to finish a degree or certificate you may be seeking, don’t let the fact that you can’t save enough stop you from taking that course. Find another way; re-think other ideas on how to finance your education, perhaps, plan to get a second job, look into financial aid, etc. The point is do not let an obstacle keep you from moving forward, but instead, find a way to get over that obstacle by re-planning and re-thinking the steps to achieving your goals.
5. Network – These days it is so easy to keep in touch with like-minded people, people who can help guide you in the right directions, people who can help open doors for you, people who will just be in your corner rooting you on to success. It is so important to remember that we need other people in our lives whether we want them there or not. Just remember that not everyone has your best interest at heart so be careful in choosing those that you share certain levels of information with, without shutting out the people that would be conducive to your achievement. There are so many ways to network these days. The computer age has given us so many avenues in which to communicate with like-minded people. If you are not as computer savvy as you wish to be, but have the desire to learn, email me and I will give you the name of someone who could help you in that department. Just remember that there is someone out there willing and waiting patiently to assist you in achieving your goals, but you must remember, first and foremost to STICK TO IT!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Let Your Intelligence Shine Through
Most of my blogs on this site have been focused on how you feel about yourself, raising your self-esteem level, achieving personal goals and treating yourself and other people with respect. Now it is time for my favorite topic! When you put all of the elements of who you are together, show that you can make good decisions and use a common sense approach to what needs to be done in order to advance your life in a positive direction, your intelligence level shines through! I know not everyone is necessarily book smart. Although being book smart is important, it is equally important that you be intelligent.
There are ways to increase your intelligence level and when you improve in those areas, you can have an intelligent conversation with just about anyone, discussing just about anything and feel confident in knowing that your input is just as important to the conversation. So, here are a few tips to do just that:
Reading Really is Fundamental - A great way to sharpen your mind is to READ! Reading is the basis for everything that you will do in life. The more you read, the more you learn. Do not limit yourself to one type of reading material. Read often and read everything! Reading builds your vocabulary, as well. Read your local newspaper to stay current on what is going around you; read novels on whatever subject entertains you or sparks your interest; read how-to books on any hobbies that you may have; if you have little ones in your life, read children’s books to them – Again read often and read everything!
Think before you speak! - Sometimes we think just having something to say is enough to hold a conversation. Unfortunately, if you just say words just to hear yourself talk, but do not put much effort into the content of what you are saying, then you are speaking empty words, and soon you’ll find that people rather not listen to you. But if you talk with clarity and forethought, you become a beacon of light for people who want advice or need direction. Gossiping and badmouthing others can get you in a lot of trouble, so be intelligent enough to stay away from those terrible forms of conversation.
Your actions speak for you: When you continually say one thing, but do the opposite, you lose your credibility. Let your word be your guidance. If you say you are going to do something, short of it becoming the impossible to do, give your every effort to follow through with your word. Otherwise, you become the boy who cried wolf and people will begin to question whether you are trustworthy in your actions.
Be a Leader: You have a great mind!! Use it! When you know what the best decision is for a positive outcome in a situation, and you know that the things you do have a major affect on your life or others, step up to the plate and take care of business. You don’t have to wait to be told to do what is already obvious. Being intelligent means choosing long term choices over short term pleasure. If you know you have a test that you need to study for and your buddies try to convince you to attend “the party of the year” (which they all seem to be!). An intelligent decision would be to skip the infamous party and study. You will certainly feel the long term affects of that decision over the short term pleasure of some party that you will find was not all that great to begin with!
Listening is key – I know you may think you have all the answers, but you first have to learn how to listen to the question! You will be surprised what you can learn simply from listening! Whether you’re listening to someone else’s opinion or listening to someone else’s problems, the best way to be responsive is to thoroughly listen. This is really key in a relationship. When couples are busy going back and forth with each other, nothing gets resolved because no one has bothered to hear what the other person is saying. You can’t give a solution if you haven’t heard the problem. So, if you are always quick to respond, just take a deep breath and make sure you have heard everything that was being said then respond intelligently!
Help Others Make Good Decisions – If you follow these tips, you will find yourself increasing your mind’s potential, no matter what your intelligence level was to begin with. Your intelligence, coupled with your healthy self esteem will give you the tools to help others make good decisions. People will start to value your opinion and seek your advice for many things. The feeling that you will experience from helping others without wanting or needing anything in return will only make you want to continue to improve yourself so that you will always be at the ready when someone needs your intelligent advice!
There are ways to increase your intelligence level and when you improve in those areas, you can have an intelligent conversation with just about anyone, discussing just about anything and feel confident in knowing that your input is just as important to the conversation. So, here are a few tips to do just that:
Reading Really is Fundamental - A great way to sharpen your mind is to READ! Reading is the basis for everything that you will do in life. The more you read, the more you learn. Do not limit yourself to one type of reading material. Read often and read everything! Reading builds your vocabulary, as well. Read your local newspaper to stay current on what is going around you; read novels on whatever subject entertains you or sparks your interest; read how-to books on any hobbies that you may have; if you have little ones in your life, read children’s books to them – Again read often and read everything!
Think before you speak! - Sometimes we think just having something to say is enough to hold a conversation. Unfortunately, if you just say words just to hear yourself talk, but do not put much effort into the content of what you are saying, then you are speaking empty words, and soon you’ll find that people rather not listen to you. But if you talk with clarity and forethought, you become a beacon of light for people who want advice or need direction. Gossiping and badmouthing others can get you in a lot of trouble, so be intelligent enough to stay away from those terrible forms of conversation.
Your actions speak for you: When you continually say one thing, but do the opposite, you lose your credibility. Let your word be your guidance. If you say you are going to do something, short of it becoming the impossible to do, give your every effort to follow through with your word. Otherwise, you become the boy who cried wolf and people will begin to question whether you are trustworthy in your actions.
Be a Leader: You have a great mind!! Use it! When you know what the best decision is for a positive outcome in a situation, and you know that the things you do have a major affect on your life or others, step up to the plate and take care of business. You don’t have to wait to be told to do what is already obvious. Being intelligent means choosing long term choices over short term pleasure. If you know you have a test that you need to study for and your buddies try to convince you to attend “the party of the year” (which they all seem to be!). An intelligent decision would be to skip the infamous party and study. You will certainly feel the long term affects of that decision over the short term pleasure of some party that you will find was not all that great to begin with!
Listening is key – I know you may think you have all the answers, but you first have to learn how to listen to the question! You will be surprised what you can learn simply from listening! Whether you’re listening to someone else’s opinion or listening to someone else’s problems, the best way to be responsive is to thoroughly listen. This is really key in a relationship. When couples are busy going back and forth with each other, nothing gets resolved because no one has bothered to hear what the other person is saying. You can’t give a solution if you haven’t heard the problem. So, if you are always quick to respond, just take a deep breath and make sure you have heard everything that was being said then respond intelligently!
Help Others Make Good Decisions – If you follow these tips, you will find yourself increasing your mind’s potential, no matter what your intelligence level was to begin with. Your intelligence, coupled with your healthy self esteem will give you the tools to help others make good decisions. People will start to value your opinion and seek your advice for many things. The feeling that you will experience from helping others without wanting or needing anything in return will only make you want to continue to improve yourself so that you will always be at the ready when someone needs your intelligent advice!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Take Care of You!
Taking good care of your body is extremely important on the road to improving your self esteem. We all do the daily routine of taking a shower, doing our hair, brushing our teeth, etc. But, unfortunately, not all of us are good at really taking care of ourselves.
I know a lot of us are doctor shy, but routine doctor visits are so key in maintaining a healthy body. A lot of diseases and ailments can be detected early with regular check-ups. If you know your family has a history of certain medical conditions, it is extremely important that you get checked for those conditions, even at your young age. You should also have routine dental and eye exams. There are also other certain gender specific checks that should be done as described later in this article. You may feel invincible because you are young, but how well you take care of yourself now can determine the condition your body will end up in during your golden years!
Daily routines such as, exercising, eating properly and drinking water, will contribute to a healthy lifestyle. Keeping yourself well hydrated is excellent for healthy skin. As we all know, exercising is key to staying fit and feeling energized. If you are just starting out with an exercise regiment, choose one that you know you can achieve safely as to not injure yourself. Make sure you know your limitations and gradually increase your exercise regiment as you increase your endurance level. Whatever your eating habits are, make sure that you understand that the saying you are what you eat means that what you put into your body will help determine how you feel. If you do not think that is true, pay attention to how miserable you are the next time you over eat! Remember that proportion is key and two pounds of salad with a half a bottle of salad dressing is not healthy eating. If you eat properly and exercise on a regular basis, there will never be a need to binge diet. Please note that binge dieting can be very dangerous and I do not encourage it. It is also important to know that drugs, drinking and smoking can wreak havoc on your body! It is best not to start any of those bad habits!
To my young ladies, if you are 18 or older and/or sexually active, it is time for you to schedule a yearly pap smear. A Pap smear is a vaginal test that detects cervical cancer. Cervical cancer is treatable if it is detected early enough. Be smart about your body. You are old enough now to know when something is different about the way you feel and what your body is going through. If something does not feel right, it probably is not right. If you have a family doctor or a specific doctor that you visit regularly, make sure that you are comfortable enough to discuss your body and anything that might be going on with it.
On another note, looking beautiful does not mean wearing a ton of make up! If you truly take care of yourself, unless you have specific issues that need to be taken care of, your skin will start to look beautiful on its own and will not need a whole lot of cover up. If you do find that you still need to wear make up, tone it down and wear colors that compliment your skin tone. Otherwise, save the make up for special occasions when you really want to get dressed and dazzle the crowd! Let your inner beauty shine and it will reflect in your outer beauty. It is great to be sexy, but be discreet. If you put all of your business out there, there is nothing left for the imagination. Curiosity is a conversation piece!! Learn which colors and styles look best on you and compliment your body type. You do not have to have an hour glass figure to be beautiful or feel good about yourself. If you and your best girlfriend are not built the same, then nine out of ten, you cannot wear the same type of clothes. Always remember that your physical appearance is the first thing that people will notice about you, so give them something positive to say about you!
To my young men, for some reason, it is a little tougher to get you to go to the doctor for check-ups, but there are male medical issues that you need to be aware of, as well. You too need to be concerned about family medical conditions. While some young ladies do like a rugged look, I think it is safe to say that no young lady wants to be around an unclean man! Physical hygiene is just as important for you, as it is for your female counterparts! First and foremost, PULL YOUR PANTS UP OVER YOUR BUTT!! I do not have a clue who started this fashion trend, but it is one of the most degrading ones that I have ever seen. No one wants to see your under garments, with emphasis on the word UNDER!
If you truly want people to respect you, then you must at least look the part, for starters. We all know athletic gear is most comfortable, but enlist a few dressier pieces of clothing in your wardrobe. People take you serious when you look professional. The same principal applies to you that you do not have to have a six pack and bulging muscles to look good or feel good about yourself. You make yourself so much more attractive when you are clean, healthy and have pride in your physical appearance.
To sum it all up, when you feel good on the inside and look good on the outside, you are on your way to a confidence level that will skyrocket a healthy self esteem.
I know a lot of us are doctor shy, but routine doctor visits are so key in maintaining a healthy body. A lot of diseases and ailments can be detected early with regular check-ups. If you know your family has a history of certain medical conditions, it is extremely important that you get checked for those conditions, even at your young age. You should also have routine dental and eye exams. There are also other certain gender specific checks that should be done as described later in this article. You may feel invincible because you are young, but how well you take care of yourself now can determine the condition your body will end up in during your golden years!
Daily routines such as, exercising, eating properly and drinking water, will contribute to a healthy lifestyle. Keeping yourself well hydrated is excellent for healthy skin. As we all know, exercising is key to staying fit and feeling energized. If you are just starting out with an exercise regiment, choose one that you know you can achieve safely as to not injure yourself. Make sure you know your limitations and gradually increase your exercise regiment as you increase your endurance level. Whatever your eating habits are, make sure that you understand that the saying you are what you eat means that what you put into your body will help determine how you feel. If you do not think that is true, pay attention to how miserable you are the next time you over eat! Remember that proportion is key and two pounds of salad with a half a bottle of salad dressing is not healthy eating. If you eat properly and exercise on a regular basis, there will never be a need to binge diet. Please note that binge dieting can be very dangerous and I do not encourage it. It is also important to know that drugs, drinking and smoking can wreak havoc on your body! It is best not to start any of those bad habits!
To my young ladies, if you are 18 or older and/or sexually active, it is time for you to schedule a yearly pap smear. A Pap smear is a vaginal test that detects cervical cancer. Cervical cancer is treatable if it is detected early enough. Be smart about your body. You are old enough now to know when something is different about the way you feel and what your body is going through. If something does not feel right, it probably is not right. If you have a family doctor or a specific doctor that you visit regularly, make sure that you are comfortable enough to discuss your body and anything that might be going on with it.
On another note, looking beautiful does not mean wearing a ton of make up! If you truly take care of yourself, unless you have specific issues that need to be taken care of, your skin will start to look beautiful on its own and will not need a whole lot of cover up. If you do find that you still need to wear make up, tone it down and wear colors that compliment your skin tone. Otherwise, save the make up for special occasions when you really want to get dressed and dazzle the crowd! Let your inner beauty shine and it will reflect in your outer beauty. It is great to be sexy, but be discreet. If you put all of your business out there, there is nothing left for the imagination. Curiosity is a conversation piece!! Learn which colors and styles look best on you and compliment your body type. You do not have to have an hour glass figure to be beautiful or feel good about yourself. If you and your best girlfriend are not built the same, then nine out of ten, you cannot wear the same type of clothes. Always remember that your physical appearance is the first thing that people will notice about you, so give them something positive to say about you!
To my young men, for some reason, it is a little tougher to get you to go to the doctor for check-ups, but there are male medical issues that you need to be aware of, as well. You too need to be concerned about family medical conditions. While some young ladies do like a rugged look, I think it is safe to say that no young lady wants to be around an unclean man! Physical hygiene is just as important for you, as it is for your female counterparts! First and foremost, PULL YOUR PANTS UP OVER YOUR BUTT!! I do not have a clue who started this fashion trend, but it is one of the most degrading ones that I have ever seen. No one wants to see your under garments, with emphasis on the word UNDER!
If you truly want people to respect you, then you must at least look the part, for starters. We all know athletic gear is most comfortable, but enlist a few dressier pieces of clothing in your wardrobe. People take you serious when you look professional. The same principal applies to you that you do not have to have a six pack and bulging muscles to look good or feel good about yourself. You make yourself so much more attractive when you are clean, healthy and have pride in your physical appearance.
To sum it all up, when you feel good on the inside and look good on the outside, you are on your way to a confidence level that will skyrocket a healthy self esteem.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Appreciation For Life
I was watching a report on the aftermath of Hurricane Ike and its affects on Texas and other areas that were hit by the hurricane. For a brief second, I almost gave power to sadness and let that terrible image remain in my head for the rest of the day. Instead, I decided to find out how I could help some of the families that were affected by that natural disaster. Where I could have easily slumped into a negative state of mind and let the misfortune of others bring depression into my life, I turned that terrible thought into a positive solution. Not only that, once again the woes of the world affirmed my appreciation for life!
Too many times we take our own life for granted and think that everything has to be the way it is. Fortunately, we were all blessed with the ability to overcome anything. We can let society dictate to us that we have to stay a certain way once turmoil has entered our lives or we can take our lives into our own hands and choose to be positive and create a better path for ourselves, even if we need to enlist the help of others. We are of no use to anyone if we do not understand that life is valuable and that each day has to be treated as a precious commodity. How we are to ourselves and how we are to others play an important role on the emotional mind set that we set for ourselves.
It is always easy to give up and let life’s misfortunes knock you down and keep you down, but you will always find yourself in a sad or angry state of mind if you let that happen. A positive attitude is so uplifting and powerful that it even empowers people in your path to want to do better and often people will ask you how you are able to always stay in a good mood despite any negative surroundings. But when you are always negative and/or sad you will find that people alienate you because deep down nobody really wants to be sad or angry all the time, nor do they wish to be around people who constantly succumb to those emotions.
I personally know a beautiful young lady who lost her mother when she was only eight years old. Her sister, who was just 19 at the time, took her in and did her best to take care of her. Because her sister was also dealing with the loss of their mother while trying to raise a family in her teen life, it was difficult for the older sister to give her baby sister the type life she had hoped. This young lady would go on to endure other personal pitfalls in her young teen life. The tragic loss of her mother at an early age, compounded with other challenges she faced in her teen years had all of the makings for giving up and rebelling against the world. Through her own determination, she persevered, she prayed a lot and she decided to do what it took to change the quality of her life in memory of her mother. Because of that wonderful decision, today she is a Dean’s list senior in college with her mind already set on furthering her education in Graduate school. She is strong willed, she is smart and most of all she has an appreciation for life! I am extremely proud of her and all that she has accomplished despite the adversities in her life!
It is easy to get caught up in all the things that are wrong in your life, but when you overcome your adversities, your life becomes other people’s strength. Someone is always watching you and it is your responsibility to give them something positive to see.
Too many times we take our own life for granted and think that everything has to be the way it is. Fortunately, we were all blessed with the ability to overcome anything. We can let society dictate to us that we have to stay a certain way once turmoil has entered our lives or we can take our lives into our own hands and choose to be positive and create a better path for ourselves, even if we need to enlist the help of others. We are of no use to anyone if we do not understand that life is valuable and that each day has to be treated as a precious commodity. How we are to ourselves and how we are to others play an important role on the emotional mind set that we set for ourselves.
It is always easy to give up and let life’s misfortunes knock you down and keep you down, but you will always find yourself in a sad or angry state of mind if you let that happen. A positive attitude is so uplifting and powerful that it even empowers people in your path to want to do better and often people will ask you how you are able to always stay in a good mood despite any negative surroundings. But when you are always negative and/or sad you will find that people alienate you because deep down nobody really wants to be sad or angry all the time, nor do they wish to be around people who constantly succumb to those emotions.
I personally know a beautiful young lady who lost her mother when she was only eight years old. Her sister, who was just 19 at the time, took her in and did her best to take care of her. Because her sister was also dealing with the loss of their mother while trying to raise a family in her teen life, it was difficult for the older sister to give her baby sister the type life she had hoped. This young lady would go on to endure other personal pitfalls in her young teen life. The tragic loss of her mother at an early age, compounded with other challenges she faced in her teen years had all of the makings for giving up and rebelling against the world. Through her own determination, she persevered, she prayed a lot and she decided to do what it took to change the quality of her life in memory of her mother. Because of that wonderful decision, today she is a Dean’s list senior in college with her mind already set on furthering her education in Graduate school. She is strong willed, she is smart and most of all she has an appreciation for life! I am extremely proud of her and all that she has accomplished despite the adversities in her life!
It is easy to get caught up in all the things that are wrong in your life, but when you overcome your adversities, your life becomes other people’s strength. Someone is always watching you and it is your responsibility to give them something positive to see.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Effective Communication Clears Up Confusion
How often have you told someone, “you know what I meant”? Well, it is a good practice to get out of that habit! We all wish that people knew what we were thinking just by looking at us or “knowing” us. However, the fact is that people can change so much from day to day that it is hard to always understand what one is thinking, even those we think we know well. Good example, my daughter’s favorite color has been pink for as long as I can remember, or so I thought. Well, today, I actually asked her what her favorite color was and to my surprise she does not have a favorite color! Imagine that! And I know her so well! Now, this particular example is certainly a minor issue, but it just goes to show you that unless you ask specific questions from a person or tell people precisely what you want them to know about you, you can never be sure what a person is thinking or feeling and they will not know you as well as you might think they do. Therefore, it is almost impossible for people to always know what you mean or know what is going on with you, unless you tell them.
I recently talked to a young woman discussing her disappointment concerning a gift she was expecting her husband to get her for her birthday. She assumed he knew what she wanted for her birthday. I asked her if she told him that she wanted to replace her stolen tennis bracelet for her birthday and her answer to me was, “he should have known that I would want to replace my bracelet.” Well, maybe he should have known. However, I told her that the disconnect was hers because she did not directly tell him that she wanted her bracelet replaced for or by her birthday. Yes, he probably intended to replace it eventually, but the only way he would have truly known what the intended time frame for the replacement to take place, was for her to tell him. Now, he could have been kind enough to ask, but the burden of surety lies on her for this particular incident, because it was her wish that was to be fulfilled, not his. You really set yourself up to be disappointed when you assume that people know what is on your mind.
A more serious example; a young couple left their child in daycare for over an hour after the facility was due to close because the mother assumed the dad was going to pick up the child and the dad assumed the mom was going to pick up the child, based on a very unclear conversation they had earlier in the day. The rules of the center was clear that if a parent or guardian was going to be late picking up their children, a phone call must be placed before the closing hour or the facility had the right to terminate the daycare service immediately. The parents missed more than 4 days of work a piece trying to find replacement daycare due to their lack of communication to each other; not to mention the tension that built up within the relationship with blame and finger pointing. Again, both people were actually to blame because neither parent bothered to get in touch with the other to confirm the plans for their own child! A phone call, which could have taken all of twenty seconds to confirm, would have alleviated this issue.
So here are some key suggestions to improve on your communications skills:
1. Be honest with yourself about what it is you want people to know about you. The more information you give, the more likely a person can effectively reach out to you. Some people tend to “bottle up” their personal information in an attempt to be elusive, but then get upset or disappointed when no one really knows personal things about them. I have seen grown women cry because they did not receive a visit or phone call for a special occasion, but when asked if they told anyone about the special occasion, the reply was no! End of the pity party!!
2. Never assume that a person already knows what is in your heart or mind. And never assume you know what is in a person’s heart or mind. Ask clear, precise questions in the attempt to get clear, precise answers. You could lose out in a lot of situations holding back on your thoughts for fear of being hurt or misunderstood. The hurt and misunderstanding is always worse when you never speak up and lose out because of it.
3. Be detailed in the information that you are giving. For example, if you are depending on a ride to or from somewhere, make sure the person you are depending on knows very close to, if not the exact time and location of where they need to be. Trust me, it is not fun standing out in the cold or rain waiting for a ride because the information exchanged was not clear to either you or the driver!
4. Speak up for yourself! Your boss will never know you deserve a better raise if you do not tell him/her! Your teacher will never know you do not understand an assignment if you just walk out of class every day and say nothing to him/her. Mind reading is not a popular course!
5. Being rude is not a part of effective communication. You can clearly tell someone how you feel or what you are thinking without being rude. In fact, your words are heard more thoroughly when you remain calm, professional and sure of yourself. Make it a practice not let people take you out of your calm element. I know it is very hard sometimes, but you have to dig deeper and try harder in order for effective communication to become a part of you.
And, just so you know, I think you are wonderful, I would love to get to know you better and I hope you have learned something important on my website! If there is anything you would like to know about me, just ask!
I recently talked to a young woman discussing her disappointment concerning a gift she was expecting her husband to get her for her birthday. She assumed he knew what she wanted for her birthday. I asked her if she told him that she wanted to replace her stolen tennis bracelet for her birthday and her answer to me was, “he should have known that I would want to replace my bracelet.” Well, maybe he should have known. However, I told her that the disconnect was hers because she did not directly tell him that she wanted her bracelet replaced for or by her birthday. Yes, he probably intended to replace it eventually, but the only way he would have truly known what the intended time frame for the replacement to take place, was for her to tell him. Now, he could have been kind enough to ask, but the burden of surety lies on her for this particular incident, because it was her wish that was to be fulfilled, not his. You really set yourself up to be disappointed when you assume that people know what is on your mind.
A more serious example; a young couple left their child in daycare for over an hour after the facility was due to close because the mother assumed the dad was going to pick up the child and the dad assumed the mom was going to pick up the child, based on a very unclear conversation they had earlier in the day. The rules of the center was clear that if a parent or guardian was going to be late picking up their children, a phone call must be placed before the closing hour or the facility had the right to terminate the daycare service immediately. The parents missed more than 4 days of work a piece trying to find replacement daycare due to their lack of communication to each other; not to mention the tension that built up within the relationship with blame and finger pointing. Again, both people were actually to blame because neither parent bothered to get in touch with the other to confirm the plans for their own child! A phone call, which could have taken all of twenty seconds to confirm, would have alleviated this issue.
So here are some key suggestions to improve on your communications skills:
1. Be honest with yourself about what it is you want people to know about you. The more information you give, the more likely a person can effectively reach out to you. Some people tend to “bottle up” their personal information in an attempt to be elusive, but then get upset or disappointed when no one really knows personal things about them. I have seen grown women cry because they did not receive a visit or phone call for a special occasion, but when asked if they told anyone about the special occasion, the reply was no! End of the pity party!!
2. Never assume that a person already knows what is in your heart or mind. And never assume you know what is in a person’s heart or mind. Ask clear, precise questions in the attempt to get clear, precise answers. You could lose out in a lot of situations holding back on your thoughts for fear of being hurt or misunderstood. The hurt and misunderstanding is always worse when you never speak up and lose out because of it.
3. Be detailed in the information that you are giving. For example, if you are depending on a ride to or from somewhere, make sure the person you are depending on knows very close to, if not the exact time and location of where they need to be. Trust me, it is not fun standing out in the cold or rain waiting for a ride because the information exchanged was not clear to either you or the driver!
4. Speak up for yourself! Your boss will never know you deserve a better raise if you do not tell him/her! Your teacher will never know you do not understand an assignment if you just walk out of class every day and say nothing to him/her. Mind reading is not a popular course!
5. Being rude is not a part of effective communication. You can clearly tell someone how you feel or what you are thinking without being rude. In fact, your words are heard more thoroughly when you remain calm, professional and sure of yourself. Make it a practice not let people take you out of your calm element. I know it is very hard sometimes, but you have to dig deeper and try harder in order for effective communication to become a part of you.
And, just so you know, I think you are wonderful, I would love to get to know you better and I hope you have learned something important on my website! If there is anything you would like to know about me, just ask!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Your Right to Vote; Your Right to Remain Silent
This is an important year for our country! On November 4, 2008, this country will go to the voting booths in the process to elect a new leader, the President of the United States! If you are 18 or will be by Election Day, you have reached voting age as an American citizen and that is a major milestone! Please register to vote! If you have not or are not sure how to register to vote, please visit http://www.eac.gov/voter/how-to-contact-your-state-election-office. Click on your state’s website to obtain all of the information you need to register to vote. Do not take your right to vote for granted! It is a privilege to be able to make your vote count!
I recently saw a quote that said “bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote”. When you do not vote, you give up your right to complain about the actions of the officials in office. By voting, you get to let your opinion count. I truly hope that you have been paying attention to what has been going on in this country so that you can maturely help elect the person who you think will best take care of all the things that are important to you and your family.
This election year is one of the most profound election years in our country’s history! There is so much going on in our world right now that it is sometimes baffling how any of us can even keep it all together. But the fact remains that we have to carry on, we have to live each day, and we have to maintain. Gas prices are at an all time record high, health care is at sky rocket prices or non existing (depending on your family’s wealth) the economy is a mess, the military is exhausted! We are in desperate need of a leader who can at least begin to repair some of the damage that has been done by our current President.
It is not my place to tell you who to vote for as this is certainly no campaign support site. But I think we can all agree that something needs to be done about the mess that this country is in right now.
If you have been doing your homework and following the candidates and what they have been telling or showing about what they intend to do as President, then you should have enough information by now to know who you feel would represent this country the best. If you haven’t been following the candidates, it is not too late. Last night the Democrat Convention ended with an excellent speech by Senator Barack Obama. If you missed the Democrat’s convention, you can visit the convention website at http://www.demconvention.com/. The Republican Convention starts on Monday, September 1, 2008 with Senator John McCain and his camp. The Republican Convention site is http://www.gopconvention.com/. There is still time for you to catch up on the campaign of both candidates. Make a list of all the things that you would like to see this country improve on. Start with the things that directly affect you, your home, your neighborhood, your school and if you really want to make an informed choice, do some research on the jobs that both candidates have done to date as Senators. Know what issues are important to you and your family and compare your list with both candidates to see who has the same ideas, principals, priorities and beliefs as you.
For those of you who have reached voting age, it is so important to understand why your opinion counts! Before now, most of the day to day family decisions have been pretty much left up to your parents or other adults to deal with. Now that you are becoming an adult, the issues that your parents have been dealing with will soon become your cross to bear, as well! As you know, a president is elected for 4 years, and if able to convince enough people that he has done his job, he could get elected for four more years. If you are at least 18 years old, the decision you make or the one you don’t make can follow you from now until you are at least 26 years old, which means you could certainly have a family by then and your decision to vote or not to vote now will certainly affect you, your spouse and your children in the future!
Voting isn’t mandatory in the sense that you will be personally penalized if you don’t vote. But it is mandatory in the sense that our country could be penalized if you choose not to vote! If you are ready to show the world that you are becoming an adult, this is one of the first adult things that you get to do. So please, don’t choose to remain silent, choose to VOTE!
If you have any questions, please email me and I will help you or make sure you get to someone who can help you!
I recently saw a quote that said “bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote”. When you do not vote, you give up your right to complain about the actions of the officials in office. By voting, you get to let your opinion count. I truly hope that you have been paying attention to what has been going on in this country so that you can maturely help elect the person who you think will best take care of all the things that are important to you and your family.
This election year is one of the most profound election years in our country’s history! There is so much going on in our world right now that it is sometimes baffling how any of us can even keep it all together. But the fact remains that we have to carry on, we have to live each day, and we have to maintain. Gas prices are at an all time record high, health care is at sky rocket prices or non existing (depending on your family’s wealth) the economy is a mess, the military is exhausted! We are in desperate need of a leader who can at least begin to repair some of the damage that has been done by our current President.
It is not my place to tell you who to vote for as this is certainly no campaign support site. But I think we can all agree that something needs to be done about the mess that this country is in right now.
If you have been doing your homework and following the candidates and what they have been telling or showing about what they intend to do as President, then you should have enough information by now to know who you feel would represent this country the best. If you haven’t been following the candidates, it is not too late. Last night the Democrat Convention ended with an excellent speech by Senator Barack Obama. If you missed the Democrat’s convention, you can visit the convention website at http://www.demconvention.com/. The Republican Convention starts on Monday, September 1, 2008 with Senator John McCain and his camp. The Republican Convention site is http://www.gopconvention.com/. There is still time for you to catch up on the campaign of both candidates. Make a list of all the things that you would like to see this country improve on. Start with the things that directly affect you, your home, your neighborhood, your school and if you really want to make an informed choice, do some research on the jobs that both candidates have done to date as Senators. Know what issues are important to you and your family and compare your list with both candidates to see who has the same ideas, principals, priorities and beliefs as you.
For those of you who have reached voting age, it is so important to understand why your opinion counts! Before now, most of the day to day family decisions have been pretty much left up to your parents or other adults to deal with. Now that you are becoming an adult, the issues that your parents have been dealing with will soon become your cross to bear, as well! As you know, a president is elected for 4 years, and if able to convince enough people that he has done his job, he could get elected for four more years. If you are at least 18 years old, the decision you make or the one you don’t make can follow you from now until you are at least 26 years old, which means you could certainly have a family by then and your decision to vote or not to vote now will certainly affect you, your spouse and your children in the future!
Voting isn’t mandatory in the sense that you will be personally penalized if you don’t vote. But it is mandatory in the sense that our country could be penalized if you choose not to vote! If you are ready to show the world that you are becoming an adult, this is one of the first adult things that you get to do. So please, don’t choose to remain silent, choose to VOTE!
If you have any questions, please email me and I will help you or make sure you get to someone who can help you!
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